Messy Head CEOs Unite

Val:

Hey, this is Val Selby, and after over 20 years online, I can track where my mindset has blocked me. If procrastination, imposter syndrome, and a lack of focus have been blocking your biz, then Vowel Full Volume is here to help you see choices you are making. Get ready to use your expertise to collaborate like a pro as you create the business of your dreams. Now is the time to make changes and live your best life. Let's get to it. Hello. I am so glad that you are here right now listening. There's probably gonna be a lot of deep breaths or there might not be any breaths at all, and it might just be a cluster of word vomit.

Val:

We'll see. Hi. That that whole volume. And I am coming in. I'm usually don't script shit. I usually don't because I end up feeling like a robot and like, oh, did you get this point and that point? It's just not my style. And today, it's even more not my style. Because I wanna come in here and I wanna talk to you super raw.

Val:

I'll be honest. I don't wanna record right now because I am in a really, like, messed up feeling headspace. And I'm like, oh, god. I can't. I'm just gonna tell them that I'm gonna do it next week. And I'm like, nope. You know what? We're gonna be responsible, and we are not going to put added pressure on our team by making our recording behind because that's not who we want to be as the CEO of our business, pal. That is not.

Val:

So I'm gonna record in a very, like, vulnerable, raw space that I don't wanna be recording in. And I'm going to do this for, I guess, a couple of reasons. 1, purely selfish. I'm okay owning that. I don't use the word selfish in a negative term because by doing the work, I learned that we've had this whole thing of, oh, you can't do that, especially as women. You can't do that, you can't do this because, oh, gosh, that's selfish, that's bragging, All of that other bullshit that we're taught. It's not selfish to put ourselves first. Right? So for 1, I am doing this for the reason that I need to get it out of my goddamn head.

Val:

is, like, they're: 5050

Val:

I want to record so that you are not the only one in a messy head. And you might not be in a messy head right now, but the messy heads come and go, And they are usually flowing pretty darn strong in the muck when we are going through growth periods. And I realized that I am in a growth period, like big growth period. Like like, oh my god. It's so good and so overwhelming in all of the major big words and all of it is really, really good, but it's making me forgetful. No. No. Okay.

Val:

Let's not take one or share that. I'm being forgetful, and I'm going into one of my red flags. I am procrastinating on projects, and this is why I'm coming in here almost like a freaking diary because I just want you to know that these days happen to all of us. I'm the most organized I've ever been in my life, which I don't know if that's actually saying much, but it is what it is. I am the most organized I have ever been with my business. I don't have to organize as much for my personal life anymore. So no kids running around. Right? So now I'm more or I guess I put that organization skills that I had with the family important to my business.

Val:

And I'm not paying attention to my organization system. I'm not logging in every day. I'm not doing the few things that are on there. I'm like putting them off or I'm moving deadlines. Nobody else. Well, my team does care about the deadlines because there are things that would help them a lot to get their stuff done if I get my stuff done first. Right? But the major thing that pisses me off about moving the deadlines is literally nobody else cares except for me. The only person that is viewing that deadline being moved is me.

Val:

And that's starting to make me angry that I'm doing that, so that's a good thing because once I get angry, I make change. So again, this is why I'm coming in really raw. I'm gonna get it all out there and see if you have similar flags that you can catch, especially as you're going through growth. If you're going through growth and you need to talk, oh my gosh, reach out. I hear you. Oh my gosh. I hear you. I've helped so many clients, and I'm glad right now I have a coach helping me with all of this as well.

Val:

But 100% spot on, Beatty is the perfect coach for me right now. And she told me to watch this word messy that I was using it. So I knew that I'm in it. I was being better about this word messy for a few days. And then today, I'm recording it. It's a Friday. It is already 1 o'clock here on the West Coast. And I don't think I've done anything really productive today.

Val:

I mean, I've gone through my emails, but I have a list of stuff that needs to get done. Hence, this podcast getting recorded because I am raining, putting my big girl panties on, and making myself do the work because that's what a CEO does. Sometimes I and you will have to make ourselves do the work, even when it's icky and we're in the muck. We have goals, right? You have goals. I have goals. We have goals. And the only way to hit those goals is for us to get our butts working, especially on the days that we don't want them. So it's not even necessarily that I don't want to, it's just, it feels much easier to just go, oh, oh gosh.

Val:

Oh, look. It's already 1 o'clock. Maybe I should go clean the kitchen laundry. We're going to go on a major trip, which is part of my messiness right now. We're going on a big trip and laundry needs to get done. That all needs to get done. Oh, crap. What am I gonna do for dinner all week all weekend? And I can easily sit in that and go, okay.

Val:

You know what? Let's just go do our errand or our chores around the house and we'll just watch TV at the same time. Right? Which really means that I'll watch TV and not really get much of the chores done until it's right before my husband's gonna get home and I do the if you're a firefighter wife, you would understand. He'd be the super quick, oh, shit. He's gonna get off of shift. It's been a 48 or a 72, and the house is a disaster because they don't do anything when he's on a shift. Anyways yeah. I guess we're going with the word vomit. We obviously know the answer for the word vomit is happening.

Val:

And we'll do deep breaths too. So it's easy for me to just sit there and go, okay, I'm gonna go do all of this instead because then I can pretend and I know this, right? I can pretend that I'm being productive. I'm still gonna need to get my stuff done for the business. And that would mean Monday. Well, here, this is Memorial Day weekend. Monday, I'm gonna go flip burgers at the VFW like I always do, and that means Monday would be out. Plus I don't like recording so much when my husband's home for I don't even wanna analyze that. It's just tough for me to record stuff when my husband's home.

Val:

So that would mean Tuesday, which would mean that I have got my team way behind on the schedule that is set if I don't do it until Tuesday. That's not cool. So big girl panties are on, crossing off the first thing off my list, recording and talking to you. And again, there's so many reasons why I didn't wanna come on here and why I'm already starting to feel the messiness coming out. And this is a big thing. I'm a talker and I that is hard for some people because some people are super duper fixers. I know my husband's a fixer, obviously, firefighter. That's their thing.

Val:

They fix things. And so when he comes home tonight, I know I'm gonna start the conversation after he gets home, and it'll be I just have to word vomit. Okay? I just have to get all of this off of my head, out of my brain, and there's nothing you can be able to do about it. And and now we totally laugh because we talk about my company all the time. And, I just tell them flat out. I'm like, okay. I know you're not gonna understand any of this. Please, please, please just sit there and let it glaze over.

Val:

The glazed eyes don't bother me anymore. I'm like, really honest and laugh about it now. But I know that I'm gonna have to do that because I don't wanna carry that energy into the weekend. Right? So I mean, I have to talk to him about that. I'm gonna have to talk to him about quite a few different things that are like bubbling in my brain. And I'm glad that I'm honest about that with him now, because there was a lot of years where I didn't talk business stuff with him at all, because I knew he didn't understand what I was talking about. And I was like, you know what? That doesn't matter. He's never gonna understand if I don't talk to him about it.

Val:

See, squirrels. I love my squirrels. Let's get my squirrels together. So we've got I'm raw. We've got, I've got messy brain because I'm going through growth. I'm sitting here petting my desk. There's also more stuff going on. I know because I'm in growth.

Val:

I mean, we're doing the rebrand. I'm working with my strategy coach, and we have this amazing plan forming. I need to work on my part of my homework for that as well. And I know it's starting to get a little scary. I know I'm looking at this and especially as the plan is really forming and mapping out, my brain wants to analyze, oh my god. How are we gonna do this? What are we gonna charge? Blah, blah. How is all of this gonna change? How am I gonna change this from this to this and bring the people that I love with me as I'm doing it? The loyal fans kind of thing. Like, oh my God, how and I know that's part of the messiness in my brain.

Val:

I'm looking at the big giant picture, which is why I'm working with a coach so that I calm down and just work on the process that we're working on in the moment. The rest of it will show itself after we get there, but we're not there right now. So I have to tell my brain, come on back. Come on back. Let it go. And I know today when I start working, a little bit more on fleshing out my homework within the strategy that I'll start going, okay. Okay. It's because of this procrastination, I feel like I have so many deadlines that are sitting there and quite a few things need to get done, and they weren't even put on my to do list with deadlines.

Val:

So there's also that. Right? I mean, talk about totally ignoring things that need to get done. Didn't even put them in my Asana. So I've been doing that, and as that as those projects unfold as they are supposed to, that starts alleviating the thing. So I know that this is part of my growth for sure, but I have a challenge of old mate self sabotaged. She did really good job at it, and it still pops up. And if you've done any growth, actually, if you've done any growth, you already know, but if you haven't done any growth, I want to give you this really, really tough news. It might be tough for you Just because you understand your red flags and just because you've done the work doesn't mean that it's not going to keep coming up over and over and over again.

Val:

And especially when you start really expanding into bigger things and getting closer to your goals, it will come on even harder, which is what I'm going through right now. However, the beautiful thing is, I know this is a red flag. I'm highly aware of this being a red flag. And so now I can pay attention and go, okay. We just need to freaking address this. It's here. It is. It won't go away until we address it and acknowledge it and start doing the things that I know I needed to, the baby steps, you know, the writing the list in little itty bitty steps so that I'm like, okay.

Val:

Okay. Do that. Do that. You know what you need to do. Just do this and this and treat myself like a like a newbie in everything and just write it all out. And then I start doing the steps because that helps me work through all of the overwhelm that's going on, all of my brain going blah, and just do these little steps. And then I get in a groove. Then I can things start happening.

Val:

I start seeing that I'm being productive and the brain mess clears up a little bit. So there's that. Then, I mean, if you've been on this journey with me just even a little bit, you know that I've been working through this anxiety and the meds are I'm gonna have to go on something else. They're not working. They're not working. She gave me one that was, an extra one for, like, when the panic attacks are starting. That one's absolutely worthless. It gives me a hangover.

Val:

I wake up the next morning with a hangover, which of course is not great for being productive. And, especially, when I have been being really conscious and not having a glass of wine or 2 or more. I have been super conscious. I'm like, okay. I have goals, and the wine is not gonna help me with those goals. The wine is only gonna keep things, keep me not ignoring, in denial that there are things that are not getting done. It'll keep me in denial mode because, of course, you can just have a glass of wine and let's just pretend that the day went perfect. No.

Val:

So I'm not doing that. So using that med when a panic attacks going up and then waking up with a hangover is like, oh, hell no. Hell no. And especially when it's really not helping with the panic attacks. But the Prozac's not helping either. I I'm yeah. Anyways, that's just a quickie thing. And if you are also in a point where you have maybe acknowledged, finally, took me a really, really long time.

Val:

I don't even wanna analyze how long it's taken me to acknowledge that I needed medication, but with all of the stuff that happened over the last year. And this weekend's also it's a big weekend. This weekend is when life absolutely changed. It was a pivotal point in life for us this weekend. So I understand that there's that, and I'm trying to give myself grace with that as well. But it led me quickly into, to understanding I needed to start working on this anxiety because it was only getting worse and worse. I needed to acknowledge it. I needed to talk to my primary care provider about it, which was super hard for me.

Val:

And I've talked to you guys about it. I've talked to you about it because if I hide it, I'm only hiding it from myself. Right? The more I talk about it, the more I become okay with it. And I want other people to be okay with their mental health, with things that didn't feel that major, or maybe you're so used to it, that it doesn't seem like it's that major. So just talk about it because until we talk about it, we don't understand that's not how other people feel because we're so used to feeling that way. So PSA for today, if you don't feel good, talk about it. Okay. Talk about it with any woman.

Val:

Reach out. The medication's there for a reason, and there's a lot of different medication. And now I guess I get to try and figure out what the next step is. And having a lot of people I've known quite a few people that have gone through way more mental health than I've got. I did not have, like, severe depression or anything like that. It's and and I'm not downplaying what I have, but I do have friends that have been suicidal. And so watching them go through it and listening to them going through it, I'm so appreciative that they have shared that journey because I can look at my journey and go, okay. You know what? If they can go through all of this and med changes, and now I know that med changes are a total thing until you find the thing that works.

Val:

But when it works, it's amazing. If they can go through all of that with their hardships of not even wanting to get up, I can absolutely take care of myself and work through these anxiety issues. Okay. And again, I'm not downplaying my issues whatsoever, but I just I have friends that can't get out of bed for days, weeks at a time. So that helps me realize, you know what? Look at their courage and look at their courage in sharing. Their courage helps me, so I want to continue that ripple. And if you need the help, I hope that it's the encouragement for you to go and talk to your primary care provider, your therapist, to get a therapist. Even just to talk to your family members, talk to your friends, and just tell them, you know what? Here's how I feel.

Val:

Can you just listen? Because I'm gonna be honest and raw and scares me to do this. Right? It's scary to be real. Yet here I am being real with you. Hi. It's because I love being a ripple. I love passing on the ripples because the more we are all passing on the ripples, the bigger the waves are gonna get. So that's a lot of the messiness that's going on in my head right now. That's a lot.

Val:

Right? I've got growth. I've got a rebrand, working on the strategy for it's not going to be a change in direction at all. It's a focus on the direction that I want it. So everything is streamlined and focused and all of that that needs to get done, planning upcoming events that haven't gotten on the schedule yet. Let's see. Meds. Meds. Lag asleep because my doggies are being horrible at night.

Val:

Of course, because when shit hits the fan, it hits the fan. And then we have this whole next week, we are taking a big trip to go and start the process of figuring out where we want to move to in less than 2 years or after my husband retires. Because the beautiful thing is I can work from anywhere, and I want to work from elsewhere. Elsewhere. I don't wanna be in this area anymore, and that's our both of us, we don't wanna be in this area anymore. So we're doing that. We are that trip is, like, huge for us. It's huge.

Val:

It's next steps in life huge. So this is why my brain's going, oh my God. I don't wanna do anything. I don't wanna, there's so much going on and so much good going on, which is the crazy thing. Right? It's like, how can I not be amped up and, like, going, going, going? And it's like, well, as an ambivert, I have introvert, I have extrovert. I have both of them and they battle each other. And I'm in the battle right now because it's just, oh, this is so exciting. Oh my god.

Val:

Let's go hide. They are like, we don't know how to balance. So I just want you to be kind to yourself where you're at right now. I want you to be kind to yourself, but I also want you to make sure that you are moving forward as the CEO of your company. I want to make sure that if you're not doing the dues, that you are paying attention because you have goals. And the only way to get to those goals is to do the do. You have got to push through on days that you don't want to. And I'm not talking about if you've gone months and you haven't had any break and you're working 247.

Val:

I'm not talking about that whatsoever. I'm talking about you're taking your weekends off and your appropriate times off, and you're also taking the week off. That's what I'm talking about. I'm talking about you're barely getting anything done during the week kind of thing. You are putting things off because it just feels so big and it does feel big and it is big and it's also exciting. And it's because you're seeing the potential, your potential. It's because you're seeing your goals can and will happen. And it's like, oh, Lordy, Lordy, Lordy.

Val:

That's like jumping over out of the comfort zone because here they are coming. I can see them. I can see them. I can feel them. And that's when it starts getting a little messy and a little mucky. So share. If all of the muck is happening, find your accountability partner, find your biz bestie. Reach out to me.

Val:

I mean, you know, I love to help other people through the muck because I have so many tools of helping myself through the muck because I'm human. Damn it. So look and see if you are being productive. Look and see if you aren't being productive. Why? And start really working through, okay, I've got this, this, this, and this. No wonder why I'm a mess. I need to talk to people about this. I need to reach out.

Val:

Don't just carry it in your brain. When you carry it in your brain, then it just pings all over the place. Right? It just bounces and like they battle each other or actually, what did I say? What did I start this conversation off with that was they were dancing together. That's more of what I think is going on. There's a huge rave going on. My generation, you understand what a rave is? There's a badass rave going on in my head. And the more I talk about it, the more the party calms down. Because now it just turns into more of a social.

Val:

And, oh, okay. Well, we've got this. Yeah. Let's get that done. Okay. We've got this. Let's get that done. And everything starts getting done and those people start going home.

Val:

Right? They'd start leaving the party. They're like, oh, we don't have to be here anymore, and it starts clearing out. So if you find you are not getting your stuff done that you need to get done, the must do's for your day, make your list crazy, actionable, small. Like I wrote down record podcast. I wrote down email main group with this topic. I'm didn't write down that I need to schedule emails for the next 14 days. I did not write that down. One email is what I'm gonna call and schedule.

Val:

Bite sized little tiny pieces is what it needs to get done. So alright. I hope that you're not in the muck, but I hope that if you are in the muck, you just got some tips that helped you throw it, or you got some tips that'll help you when it hits because it hits The only way it doesn't hit is if we're just living in our comfort zone, but it still hits. Because if you're just living in your comfort zone and not pushing yourself, then you'll be in the muck as well because you're like, oh my god. I'm so bored. My life. So figure out what your flags are. Your flags might be different than mine.

Val:

They could be similar, but find out what your flags are and just pay attention. Just be aware and move through them. I want you to be the CEO of your company, which means you have to do the do. All right. It was a lot of preaching at Yale. Wasn't it? A lot of talking at Yale and I know my brain's feeling a little bit less, which is awesome because it doesn't need to be overwhelmed. There's no reason to be overwhelmed. We're gonna get stuff done.

Val:

We're getting get our goals. We've got tools in place, all of it. So thank you for being here. I appreciate you so much, and I can't wait to talk again with you next week. Adios.