Episode 139

Embrace Your Authentic Self and Lead with Confidence in Your Biz Journey

In this episode of "Val Full Volume," Val Selby opens up about her journey towards authenticity, spurred by a transformative decision to embrace her natural gray. Through this personal change, Val explores the broader theme of authenticity and its importance in leadership, particularly for female entrepreneurs.

She candidly discusses how societal expectations have traditionally shaped women's roles in business and the significance of breaking away from these norms. Val emphasizes the power of showing up authentically and the impact it can have on one's confidence and leadership abilities.

She passionately encourages listeners to create their own opportunities and embrace collaboration, highlighting the empowerment that comes with owning one's personality and expertise.

Val also introduces her new "Bundle and Giveaway Host Mentorship," designed to guide entrepreneurs in creating successful online events. Addressing the challenges of perfectionism and hesitation, Val shares her insights on stepping into leadership roles and the importance of collaboration over competition.

She stresses that being a leader doesn't require massive resources or a large team; rather, it's about being proactive, sharing expertise, and fostering connections. This episode is both a personal revelation and a professional call-to-action, urging listeners to take bold steps towards authentic leadership.

Connect with Val:

Ways you can collaborate with Val:

Transcript
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Hey. It's time to crank up the truth. I'm Val Seldy, and over

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the decades of working online, I've learned a most important lesson.

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Mindset owns your business. If procrastination,

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imposter syndrome, and a lack of focus have been blocking your biz, then I'm

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here with Valvoline, ready to help you see choices that

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you're making. Get ready to own your personality and use

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your expertise to create the business of your dreams. Now is

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the time to make changes and live your

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best life. So let's get to it.

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Hello. Oh my gosh. It feels like forever since

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I have been recording.

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Welcome. I am excited you are here.

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I know I've been neglectful, and

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it's on a top of my priority to not be

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so neglectful in so many

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ways of my life right now. I got my hairs

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did. I am transitioning

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into natural hair color, which will be,

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I mean, gray will be showing up because at 52,

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I have gray. Shocker.

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Shocker. And I'm just I'm just I'm over it. I think it's

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I know it's part of me feeling like I just have to

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really show up authentically, and I'm I

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feel for me this is for me,

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that continually dyeing my

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hair is making me feel less authentic. And, of course, I

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mean, I had my my hair was just crazy long, and I just

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went, you know, it's it's like shoulder height. I

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just chopped it. This happens sometimes in the

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spring. Often, every few springs, I just lose it, and I'm just

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like, it's all got to change. So it's a full remodel. It was

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wonderful. I had a great, time in the salon for hours

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and hours and hours because transitioning the hair

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color takes a lot.

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But this really does the

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hair really does lead into today's

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episode. Because I

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know for a fact for me, when I am not

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taking care of things like, my hair and this does

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not mean going to the salon and getting it colored. This

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means the fact that I had no hairstyle. I had just let it grow

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out for fourteen months. Zero style to it. Zero

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I could do to it. I was wearing a ponytail. I'd had it last

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December and had my my husband help me, and we

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did that box color. I was just

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band aiding. And I know when I get that way,

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then I am not I'm not feeling

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great mentally. I'm just not feeling

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great. I it it's it's that visual of am

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I stepping up? And, no, I was

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not stepping up, and I know this. I know

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this about myself. Is it gonna happen again

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in the future? Most probably because I got this fucking human brain.

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Right? We do. We have these human brains

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that, you know, parts of us are gonna go through, and there's gonna be

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flags. They're not danger flags. They're just,

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hey. Something's going on, and this is this is the flag I'm

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showing you. You're not doing what you you normally know makes you

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feel better, and what are we gonna do about

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it? And so this is,

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like I said, this is really leading me in. I know it's

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very girly come very girly start out with the

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hair and how we feel about ourselves, but it was

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a transition for me

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because let's be real. Going

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gray in our society as

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a woman is a major step.

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And I went back and forth and back and forth and back and

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forth of okay. Well, am I gonna do

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this? Why am I gonna do this? Pros and

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cons rolling through my head, having a conversation with my husband

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who is, like I mean, we've been together for thirty

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five years. The man is smart.

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He just lets me talk it out, which he normally would. But in this case,

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he's just zero opinion. Right? So I went to,

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I went to the person with opinions who I

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helped raise have opinions, and I went to my daughter about it. And

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she's just like, just go fucking gray. She's like, that's stupid. But I'm

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like, yep. That's the girl I raised right there. It's

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like I'm like, but this and this and this. And she's listening as I

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talk it out. You know? She's she's not being a little a little shit or

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anything. But she's listening, and she's just like, those are silly. Those are

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that's ridiculous. Ridiculous. Just go gray.

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Just be natural. Just enjoy the fact that you don't have to spend the

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money at the salon. Just enjoy the fact that you don't have to worry that

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your roots are growing out, you know, and and that that's the thing. So

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it was great. I worked it out through my

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head through my head. No pun intended. I worked it

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out. I got the backup from her that I did want.

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I mean, I was really just looking for somebody to validate my feelings. I

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understand. I own it. I fully own

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it. And and I own it because this is

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something that I help so many other women do is

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own it. Just we just have to own it.

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It's okay to have these, quote, unquote,

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ridiculous feelings, and

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it's definitely okay to process all of this stuff. Society

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has put us in a certain spot, and we're supposed to look a

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certain way. And we're supposed to not

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look our age, which my gray

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hair makes me look older. But for fuck's sake,

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I am blessed to have some

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pretty good skin, and I still don't look

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52. Whatever looking 52 even fucking

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means. I just said that, and my brain went, what does

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52 look like?

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See? Society shit popping out of my own

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mouth. I I I mean, it's it's a thing.

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We're conditioned for all of this stuff. And

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the only way we can make change is talking

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it out, having it pop up, catching ourselves,

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and working on it being a change. Because guess

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what? I do look 52 because I am 52.

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The end. End of conversation. Right?

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It's supposed to be the end of conversation. And a big part

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of me showing up, how I want to show up

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is being a leader for other women. And

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again, that means I'm showing up

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authentically and authentically to me

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doesn't feel right to be

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coloring my hair right now. Like I said, this could

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change. I mean, I owned it during COVID because that was easy, of course,

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because, I mean, I'm living in Washington state. So we were closed down for

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five bajillion years here. So we couldn't even go to a salon

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to to get our hair done for almost two years.

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It was it was ridiculous. Going gray at that

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time was a very easy answer.

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Going gray right now is an absolute

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choice. It's a choice, and I'm owning

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that choice. I'm also owning the fact that I get to change my mind later

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down the road if I want to. But right now, this feels right for me.

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And by doing that, I am leading others

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to do what's right for you.

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And as you know by the title, leading

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is my major topic for today. It's what I

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wanna talk about. It's

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everything. Being a

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female entrepreneur

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means that we have not had a lot of female entrepreneurs

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to mentor us along the way. Hell, we have not

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had a lot of females in the business world

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even moving up a lot of us.

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Moving up. And I and I

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and I say that, and I'm like, oh, but we've got so much

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more. Yes. We do have so much more.

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And the generation behind generations behind

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us have so much more. And that is wonderful, but we're

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still mentor wise. We are still so

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far behind what has been the male dominated

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workplace for a really long time. And this is not

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to bash on men, not at all to bash on men. It just

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is what it is.

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And right now, we get to decide if we wanna show up

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as leaders and mentors and help other women

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step up, step out,

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make moves. We get to

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help make that happen.

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So part of the

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reason that this episode is coming out definitely is because

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of my hair. Like I said, how

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girly is that? But it is

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our hair is a big part of us. Making figuring

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out what I was willing to do and show up, how

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I'm willing to show up is a big part

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of me. How am I going to show up? How does it feel good

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for me to show up? How do I

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wanna show up? Because I have to have the confidence. If I'm gonna be a

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leader, I have to have the confidence. Right?

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It's really, really tough to be that leader

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and and keep pressing on when you are lacking in

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confidence. It's it's tough. Those are tough days.

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We all have them, but those are tough days.

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And owning all of this owning the hair,

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even getting because since it's shorter, I get to do some fun stuff and take

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care of it again after months and months and months of just a ponytail

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or the, I have super thin fine hair if you're not watching the

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video. Well, if you're watching the video, you probably can't even tell because the curls.

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I've I can actually do curls. It's so so fun. But I

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would have a messy bun most of the time, and my hair is so thin

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and fine that my messy bun was all scrunchie. It was

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so silly. But that's just it's

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just that look around the house for me

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of mhmm.

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Everything is not right, Val. Everything is not right. It's

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it's it is a little flag, but it takes me a little while to get

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through it. Right? So

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I want to talk about leadership today, and I want to talk

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about what leadership let's start off with what leadership

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really looks like. It looks

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like this. It looks like you.

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It looks like your neighbor.

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It is us showing up

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as ourselves. However, the

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fuck we want. That's how leadership looks.

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Right? So you don't need to go to the salon

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just like you do not need a million dollar brand.

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You do not need a huge team

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to show up and lead in your business. You don't need those

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things. And I think a lot of the stuff that I wrote down

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today, I could actually take into little mini

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pod not even mini podcast. I could take into

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smaller podcasts and have a conversation about. I have

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so many notes right now that I think I'm going to have to do that

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because, otherwise, this is gonna be, like, an hour and a half episode, and I

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don't do those because I know you ain't

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got time for that. Right? So let's just go

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into just for right now, you know, what

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leadership looks like.

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I I will not

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say that by looking at what it's not makes me negative.

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I know I'm not a negative person. So however I process

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is however I get to process. Just like however you get to process is how

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you get to process. But I find it easier to go through what

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things aren't. Because then I can, like,

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it's not this, and I can just, like, toss it away. Okay? It's

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not this. So it is not having a huge team.

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And the reason I think that I can't go through all the rest of my

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notes that I made for myself is because I wanna have a

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conversation about what I thought

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just within the last few years about

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having a team. Having a big team

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was a goal for me. It was like that

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success check mark of having a I've got this giant

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team. Now I'm not saying I don't want a big team.

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I do. But I want to

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make sure that I have everything in place as

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I'm getting a new t a bigger team in

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place. But that does not define

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me being a leader, me being

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successful, does not define it.

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Having a million dollar brand does

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not define if I'm a leader. Okay?

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Does not define if you are a leader.

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What does define a leader

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one of the things that does define a leader is that you are

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creating your own opportunities.

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You are consistently out there

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looking for collaborations, looking for

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others to grow your business with,

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not looking for people to use

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because and I say it that way because oftentimes,

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I know they're that women women are coming to

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me, and that's how they feel. That, like, when they're doing the pitch to

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have a collaboration, they're like, it's like, I

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feel I feel icky. It's like, no. Collaboration

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is working together. Mutual

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benefit. Working together.

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You are offering you

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and what you do and your amazingness and your

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experience. In return, you're looking for

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them to do the same.

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And leaders know that we cannot

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lead all on our own because we just can't

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get to everybody that we need to talk to or want to talk to. And

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I do use the word need on that one because when we step into

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leadership roles, it it is part of us that we need

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to be out there talking. We need to be helping people go

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through transformations. It is a need.

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It's not my only need. It's

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not I am nothing without it.

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It is I feel so much

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better when I am getting me out

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there, and I feel okay with

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that. I own that. I own that. It

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is okay to be doing that, to sharing.

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In fact, it's even it's more than okay.

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Lot of conversations I have with peep with women are, hey. It's

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not just okay to be having conversations, getting

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out there, working on those collaborations, getting yourself

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out there to more people. It's selfish if you don't.

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And that usually helps. Is that helping you transition a

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little bit into it needing to happen? Because

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so many of us for so long have heard

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that doing the things that we need, we want, and

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I know that this has been making big changes, but we're still

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we're still not there.

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But if I if I talk about the fact that you aren't getting yourself

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out there as being selfish, a lot of you

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can understand understand that a little bit more. It's

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like, oh, okay. I understand selfish.

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I dislike that we understand selfish so much, but but

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we do. And words are just words. They

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are just words. So if you are not getting out

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there, if you are not putting yourself out there, if you're not looking

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for collaborations and ways that you can work with others out

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there to grow your business, it's kinda selfish

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because you're not getting your expertise out. And when

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you're not getting your expertise out, that ends up being those

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the deathbed moments. If you keep your

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keep your if you've kept your expertise to yourself, and I don't

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mean hustle, hustle, hustle. I mean, sharing your expertise,

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whatever it is, in whatever format it is. If you're

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not sharing it, then those are the tend to be the

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deathbed moments of, oh my gosh, because you're taking it

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with you. Right?

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So being a leader means that you are out

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there looking for and creating opportunities.

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Now I already went through, I think, most of this one.

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Why we think we're not ready to lead?

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Society sold us for so many

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generations to be to be in our

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place. It's it just is.

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You know, like I said, we're doing so much better, and

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we're owning so much. But we just have to understand that that's still

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a conditioning that we have gone through, and it's

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still it's still there. So we just have to pay attention to when that

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flag shows up, and we're like, nope. Suck it.

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I don't have to do that just because that's been a thing

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for generations. Nope. Don't have to. Don't want to. Don't

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have to. Comparison. This is human.

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This is absolutely human. Is to compare what

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we're doing, who we are, what we look like, all of

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that stuff. Compare it to others.

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And, again, this

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this goes back to where I was going and why my

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hair was like I know it sounds so

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superficial, but it's it's my my giant flag

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of, you are you are not

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feeling in the zone, lady. And as soon as I

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didn't even have to actually go to my appointment. As soon as I made

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that appointment, as soon as I made that decision of this is what I

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want to do with all of this, I started doing reach

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outs like no like crazy. Reaching out

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to my competitors.

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They're not competitors. They do things different. We might be

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in a similar niche, but we all do things different. And I reached out to

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him. I'm like, hey. Do you wanna be affiliates for my

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product? I just launched. Do you wanna be affiliate for that? I would love

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to have you. And they're like, yeah. That would be

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awesome. Hey. And I've got this going on right now. So, you

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know, feel free to send them that way, and I've

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got I've got ways to track it too.

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And, yes, they are similar, but

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they're nowhere near the same thing. And she and I, the one

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conversation I'm really thinking of, she and I are nowhere near the same

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people. Nowhere near. We do things very different,

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and that's wonderful to work with

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a collaboration for. Wonderful. Because that was the

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conversation I was having in the DMs was, hey. Yeah. I will

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keep that in in my in my head because

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I'm having quite a few conversations for this launch. And

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if it's not a fit for them, I will say, hey. Go check

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this out with so and so.

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Because I know that not everybody is going to be a match

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for what I'm offering at that moment. And the best

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thing I can do is say, hey. Okay. Well, maybe this is gonna be

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a fit, so go check it over there. There. And I know that that is

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my my I know that is the way

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to go because that has helped my karma be

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so amazing. What comes around goes around.

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And when the more that I have been free flowing

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with sharing and sending people, no matter if I get an

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affiliate commission or not, the more I have done that and I'm

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saying saying that more or not.

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I do love getting an affiliate commission. So I I do like I

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do like my business to make money. So there's that. Okay? But

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but that that collaboration mentality

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of knowing that if I share something out there,

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it's gonna come back tenfold.

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Okay? So it might not come back from that exact same person. It doesn't matter.

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It's the energy is going around though, and it's

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gonna come back. And I'm gonna get

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shared. I wanna be my my my product is

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gonna be coming out of somebody else's mouth, and they're gonna send them my way.

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So that's that's why competitors, we don't have to

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worry about comparison because we're gonna do it our way.

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Gonna do it our way.

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One other thing is we are consistently telling ourselves that we're

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not ready. We've got this perfectionism thing that pops

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up. I went

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a very long time in my life without

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realizing that I did have some perfectionism.

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We all do. We all do. It's just a matter of finally

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finally having to smack you upside the head, I guess, figuring

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out what? And

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so I have paid attention to

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the fact that

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there have been quite a few different,

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workshops, maybe some things that were more,

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we'll call them more signature product wise that I haven't even

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started. And it it's because

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I have worried that I couldn't deliver it perfectly

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for so many years. I've put

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off doing things for quite a few years because of this perfectionism.

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And, ironically, this is a natural lean in

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because my current launch is a big

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part of that perfectionism. Let's see.

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I started running online events for others in

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2018. By

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2019, I was already getting asked, do I have a workshop for

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this? Oh, no. No. No. It's on the list. It's on the list.

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Then we go into 2020. Then we go into 2021. There we go.

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Onward. I have always been asked, do you have a

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workshop for this? No. You know? No. I

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don't have one. It's on the list. I know I need to create it. It's

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on the list. I know. I know I need to create it. I know.

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Over and over and over again. This is one of the things where perfectionism shows

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up for me because I am so worried that

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start. So in order, I'm gonna start. So in order, I'm gonna start. So in

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order, I'm gonna start. I'm gonna start. So

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in order to help others, I have to be

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a leader, which meant I had to

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get the outline, get things in order, and

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fucking launch. Because I

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want to help you collaborate

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more. I want you to show up as the leader in

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your niche, in your industry.

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I want people to come to your

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online event, your giveaway, your bundle,

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and be like, holy crap. Look at all of

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the people she brought in on this topic

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for me to find. Girl knows where she

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is.

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That's part of being a leader is getting the people

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together so

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everybody can work together on a similar

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mission, and you bring them together,

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showcasing that you are the leader in this

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topic. So as you can

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kinda guess, Val finally

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launched horror bundle and giveaway host

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mentorship. Now one of the main reasons why this

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didn't get launched before was because

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unlike things I've been told over the years, decades,

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years, I do

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I am attached to people following through

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with what I create. I am attached.

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And, thankfully, I have had enough teachers

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come through with the podcast in business,

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and I mean educators. Like, they come from academia.

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I luckily, I have had enough conversations with them. I do not apologize

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for that anymore because they're like, no. That's part of being a good teacher is

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you are attached. You are attached to how can I continue

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to help? I'm like, thank you. Because

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these entrepreneurs, part of this getting the

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coaching BS out of my head is getting that out

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of my head. The you can't be attached to whether or not they follow

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through. Yes. Yes. I can. Because

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why weren't they following through? So part of the

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perfectionism that created me not

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creating this for all of these years is because

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I didn't know how to deliver it and still have people follow through.

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I knew, for me, I could not just create

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a self study course

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and bless it and release it. I couldn't.

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Bundles and giveaways are are huge for me. I know the

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power in them. I want everybody to have that power

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of collaboration. And so it's huge for me. So the the

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idea that I would just be putting this thing up and then, you're actually on

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your own unless you sign up for sign up for my one on one, you

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know, on top of that. It felt it it did not ever feel right.

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So I knew that

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this was the time, though. So I sat down and figured out, okay

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then. If that's if if that's not the way it's gonna be and this is

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not gonna the way it's gonna be, you need something in between.

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That's where the mentorship was born. So what we're gonna do is we're gonna get

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together for twelve weeks. April twenty it starts April 21. We

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are gonna get together for twelve weeks. We are going to create

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your giveaway and or bundle paid bundle.

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It will be complete at the end of twelve

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weeks. You can choose to launch

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in, like, the ten to twelve week time period if you would like,

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or you can launch at a different different date. But you will be

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recruiting already. You will have everything in place,

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including a way to monetize. You will

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be going from, I kinda have an

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idea, to full blown ownership of holy

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shit. I'm gonna do this. I'm gonna go find the most amazing

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people to come and be this event. Man, I am setting myself up

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as the leader for this topic right here, right now.

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And and a big part why I wanted this to

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be a mentorship instead of self study is along the way,

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your mind is gonna be, like, just screwing with you

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along the way. I know this. I mean, I've done

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66 plus events. I have managed,

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consulted, or hosted or co hosted.

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And yet, still, to this

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day, there I will get to certain portions of the process

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of creating my events, and my brain will go, what the hell are you doing,

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girl? You don't know what you're doing. Why are

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you doing this? Why are you doing it this way?

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Still. So I wanna be there when your brain absolutely tries to

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take you out of the equation and ruin it for

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you. I want to be there. So that's why I want the mentorship.

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And I know that right now, we are inundated with

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information as well. So I want to be there so that we can just do

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bytes. We're not going to have it totally take

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over our entire life for twelve weeks.

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Okay? We're not. We are I am breaking it up into

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bite sized pieces, so it doesn't do that. Because

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believe me, in the early days, and, I mean, especially some of

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those events, we're doing hundreds. There were those last two

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days before the event launches when I was working with some people,

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we had cut everything so tight

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that we were pulling all nighters. And mama don't do all

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nighters anymore. Not for that at

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all. So that's why it's that's why it's a twelve week process because I want

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this smooth and enjoyable. I want you to have

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fun. I want you to start

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doing the recruiting and getting feedback from people when you're having

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the conversations to get them into your event. You're like, oh my god. This is

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gonna be so perfect. I want that for you too

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because it solidifies that you are a leader in your

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niche. Niche niche niche Whatevs.

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It helps solidify. It helps solidify it in your brain, which is the most important

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part. Everybody can tell us whatever,

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but it's when we are believing that stuff that

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we step up and make changes.

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So I'm gonna keep this. I'm seeing that I'm already at the thirty thirty minute

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mark. I knew I couldn't get through the rest of my segment stuff that I

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had written down in notes. This is why I don't do notes because they're they're

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too they end up being too much. So

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I want you to step up as a leader. I want you to host your

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event so that you are the leader.

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K? And if now is the time, which now

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is always the time, if now is the time,

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jump into the mentorship, join me in the

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mentorship, figure out which tier works

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best for you.

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Because if you need some extra one on one, I've got I've got a

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couple other tiers that you can join in on. But the basic tier,

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tier one, is gonna get you everything that you need to

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have your event run

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at twelve twelve weeks or

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further out. Alright?

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I'm so excited. I am so excited to be stepping up and and

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doing this finally, and and leading by example

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because, yeah, it's a lot. This has been a lot to put

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together. It's it's a big

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part of of me, and I'm putting it

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out there. And I know it's the right time. I know

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it's the right thing to do. So I hope it's the right time for you

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to jump in. Be a leader as well. Join me in

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the mentorship. Grab the link down below. Choose your choose your

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tier. And if you have any questions whatsoever, hit me up. Okay?

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I will be back with more because

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you know I need to be talking to you on my podcast.

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Lord knows my family knows that I need to be because I'm driving them and

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signing by not recording enough. So I

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will see you next week. I have a guest coming next

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week, so tune in for that.

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And go out there as a leader you are, girlfriend. Bye.

About the Podcast

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Val Full Volume
Mindset Owns Your Business

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About your host

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Val Selby

Val Selby, a seasoned online marketer and service provider with over two decades of experience, is renowned as the reigning queen of bundle events. Her expertise in coordinating numerous successful bundles across various niches between 2018 and 2022 has solidified her position as a leader in the field.

In 2022, Val launched Bundle Bash, the culmination of her entrepreneurial dreams and a niche bundle site that facilitates monthly events. These events provide a platform for entrepreneurs to connect with a receptive audience and for buyers to access valuable information for business growth.

Collaboration is Val's forte, and she thrives on connecting individuals and fostering partnerships. Her extensive online network spanning over 20 years ensures she can identify the perfect collaborator for any event or launch, regardless of the topic.

As Coach Val, she possesses a unique ability to recognize her clients' areas of expertise, reading between the lines to help them discover their true passions and overcome their fears of commitment.

Val's message is clear: Embrace your authentic self and wholeheartedly pursue your business aspirations.